I love some of the phrases here: "ocean swill" and "salt-licked air" particularly.
The rhythm of "game of gain" is nicely played too; I wish that pattern was picked up somewhere else.
One question though. You mention the heart being pulled under by swirls of ocean swill, but a line below that you reference the listless pool. If the water is listless, I think dragging under the heart might be a contrasting image. Unless the pool is separate from the ocean?
I love some of the phrases here: "ocean swill" and "salt-licked air" particularly.
ReplyDeleteThe rhythm of "game of gain" is nicely played too; I wish that pattern was picked up somewhere else.
One question though. You mention the heart being pulled under by swirls of ocean swill, but a line below that you reference the listless pool. If the water is listless, I think dragging under the heart might be a contrasting image.
Unless the pool is separate from the ocean?